OK, this is really taking one for the team, or living up to a personal standard of being up for trying new things… when I saw it, despite knowing the horror that awaited, I had to try it. If you haven’t tasted durian, then you are a lucky person. Anthony Burgess described it as tasting like eating raspberry blancmange while sitting on the lavatory. To me it smells how I imagine a corpse would smell, if I found that corpse – on a pile of rotting onions – in a sewer – 2 weeks after the person was beaten to death with a pineapple. That smell permeates everything as you try to eat it. I’ve tried durian in various forms seven times in the past. All awful.

Dear god, why?

Anyway, the sadists at the Tomamasu drinks corporation have decided to put this fruit into soda form. When I poured it, it looked deceptively like lemonade. The smell, though. I could only manage one sip, which I dutifully swilled around my mouth to savour the disgustingness. Then I swallowed. Then I retched. It is very sweet, and actually quite mildly flavoured for durian, but that is still terrible. Avoid at all costs. Unless you were raised in an Asian country and will thus inexplicably think it is the best taste ever…